3197

Joke of the Day

"I kissed a girl in the club and she said, ""Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like licking an ashtray."" ""You non-smokers have some funny habits,"" I replied."

"Just realized all my tweets are about my genitals . Time to change the subject. Do you believe in aliens ? If so , do they have genitals?"

"Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said ""I'm a medium"" Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!"

"A book fell on my head today... I've only got my shelf to blame."

"What was the baseball score when ethiopia played africa.....ate nothing"

"Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I'm so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it's my husband."

"How many immature people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 69."

"Just been told I've got the job as a mime ... I'm speechless."

"There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I'm gonna be friggin' unstoppable....."

"""Sure the Decepticons are trying to kill us, but at least the price of fuel is reasonable"" -Optimistic Prime."