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Joke of the Day

"""Sure the Decepticons are trying to kill us, but at least the price of fuel is reasonable"" -Optimistic Prime."

"Why did the Louvre tour guide work for pennies? Because this docent makes any cents."

"Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, ""I need your weight not your phone number"""

"There's awkward, and then there's listening to a man try to have a conversation with his hairdresser."

"My wife told me I'm an emotional, emotional, insecure coward. Now I feel depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid she'll leave me any time. **** Dammit, I spoiled it with the double emotional."

"Why couldn't the drunk make it as a lawyer? He couldn't pass the bar."

"So I was having sex the other day"

"Director: so, you'll be playing this regular guy... Johnny Depp: no thanks."

"I don't know why hippies made such a big deal out of it... all their records were groovy. All of them. -your dad"

"Do you know why you will never go hungry in the desert? Because of the sand which is there. *edit: because of the sandwiches there....."