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Joke of the Day

"My sex life is a lot like the Olympic 100m final. I wait 4 years for it and it's over in less than 10 seconds."

"I am conducting a survey to see who is the most awesome person on Facebook. To find out who it is read the first two words of this status."

"At Toys ""R"" Us, Barbie and the Chuck Norris actions figures must be at least eight aisles apart by law. After all, it is a children's store."

"WHAT IS THE BEST POSITION TO HAVE UGLY BABIES? I DON'T KNOW. ASK YOUR MOM."

"Women love to say ""sexy AF"" or ""hot AF"" on Twitter .... If I'd known being in the Air Force was that hot...I'd have stayed in !"

"Guys, I figured out a better way to pretend you died mid-type! All you need to do is hold dooooooooooooooooooooooo"

"Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right... Just like two thongs don't make it tight."

"I love how Xanax spelled backwards is retard"

"A dyslexic man.. A Dyslexic man walks into a bra."

"What do I do when my luggage gets tired? I rest my case."