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Joke of the Day

"It took me 4 attempts to type ""my dignity"". Autocorrect kept changing it to ""HAHAHAHAHAHA"""

"How are asymptotes like women? You can get close to it, but you can't touch it"

"Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President."

"Any writer can be a ghost writer if you kill them"

"I saw the army of Lichtenstein the other day. He was a really nice guy."

"My girlfriend said, ""We should make love like they do in the movies."" So I shoved my dick in her ass and came on her face. She got upset. Apparently we watch different movies."

"Survey gone wrong.. or right?? On a survey for 'which conditioner you use?' 99% of the womens said 'aaahhhhhh.....get out of my shower!!!!'"

"Improve Your Target Shooting by Mr Completely"

"I'll see your Limerick. . I was driving along in my Bentley, tossing off ever so gently I hit a bump in the road and I shot my load not on purpose, but quite accidently!"

"I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken..."