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Joke of the Day

"Happy Fathers Day! Me: Happy Fathers Day! Pop: Thanks! Me: I'll call you later. Pop: Don't call me later, call me Dad :') ..."

"Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria's Secret when I will hold your boobs up all day for half that?!"

"TOASTER OVEN: Do you really need another Hot Pocket? ME: You shut your mouth TO: If I shut my mouth will you stop putting Hot Pockets in it"

"When I found out my girlfriend was having a baby my life really changed. specifically my name, address and phone number."

"When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot."

"If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she's practising for her next selfie"

"What Do You Call a Romantic Basketball Player? Love Shaq"

"What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you drop a load in it."

"How many JokeExplainBots does it take to change a lightbulb? **Lightbulbs** are easily threaded by one person, **usually** with one hand. Doot."

"Officer: ""Do you know why I'm standing here?"" Me: ""You got all C's in High School?"""