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Joke of the Day

"what's brown and sticky? a stick."

"What's red, 6 inches long and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her. Her miscarriage."

"Prostitute+McDonalds Going to Mc'Donalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug."

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the ""P"" is silent"

"I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office."

"""You are terrible at metaphors."" ""Wow. Jealousy is a bad moustache on you."""

"I'm at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party."

"New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth."

"Oh, so you wanna argue? BRING IT, I GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON !"

"Just got a temporary tattoo. Now I can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery for the next three days."