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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the wizard get the witch pregnant? He had a hollow-weenie"

"I don't understand why people always fight becoming a zombie or vampire. Both seem awesome because you don't have to have a job."

"Never have sex after getting a concussion. It's fucking confusing."

"Recent studies show that eating bacon or other red meats increases your chances of dying by 20% So apparently I have a 120% chance of dying"

"I get asked all the time why I play in a gay basketball league It's because I love going up and down the hardwood."

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass! HAHAHAHA!"

"Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"Is cyanide the most efficient way to kill someone? Asking for a fiend."

"[driving 2 school] *looks back,sees toothbrushes in child carseats WAIT! IF YOU'RE HERE THEN... [cut to kids at home, covered in toothpaste]"

"What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke? That sounded a lot better in my head"