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Joke of the Day
"Can someone please explain why I have to pay full price for Swiss Cheese"
Next Joke
"The answer to the question, ""do these jeans still fit"" depends on whether or not I actually have to sit down at any point."
"Just found out men can have sex at 88..... which is handy cos I live at 94 so it's not far to walk home after."
"[reading Harry Potter] Me: Do you know what's going on? 3-year-old: He went to lizard school. I'd correct her, but her version is better."
"My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY."
"Thank goodness for wide, paved road shoulders that important people like me are entitled to use during traffic jams."
"My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule."
"Treat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit."
"Women are like Wi-Fi. They're everywhere and no one will tell me the password"
"What is a pirate's favourite letter? He doesn't have one. He's illiterate."