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Joke of the Day

"Someone needs to invent an alarm clock that, if you hit snooze more than three times, will call in sick for you."

"An Irish Joke, that I did not initially get. I am Irish as well... How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None"

"if ur sad abowt not havin an valentien on valentienz day remembr dat sum ppl do'nt hav an patrik on st patriks day"

"What do you call a judge that doesn't have any fingers? Justice Thumbs"

"what do you call a young Chinese prostitute ? SUM YUNG HO"

"Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth."

"I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life."

"Either my shirt shrunk in the wash or, a more likely reason, those four push-ups per day have made me a BEAST."

"How do you call Anakin Skywalker's padawan after getting tased by enemy? A shocked Tano."

"What do you say to a woman with one black eye? Nothing, you've already told her."