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Joke of the Day

"You text him, he doesn't text you back. Obviously he was so excited that you texted that he fainted."

"If you're a person who indulges in recreational marijuana use, my daughter was born last Friday at 4:21pm. Sorry I couldn't push faster."

"I just asked Siri ""Surely it's not going to rain today?"". Siri replied ""It is, and don't call me Shirley."" I forgot to take my phone off airplane mode"

"Why are pedophiles terrible Blackjack players? They don't hit on anything over 14."

"Why do dogs lick their dicks? Because they can."

"[offensive] what's pink and covered in cobwebs Madeline McCanns bike"

"Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives"

"Why did the Jews hate Jesus? Because he gave away salvation for free."

"What do you call a combination of a joke and a rhetorical question?"

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil and paper."