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Joke of the Day

"Beethoven found that having diarrhoea always helped him compose quicker By midday, he was already on his third movement."

"I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me."

"Vagina Knock-Knock Joke Knock knock Who's there? Marquis de Sade Marquis de Sade who? It's taking too long for you to de Sade to open up"

"What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A Baboom!"

"I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles this morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop."

"I met the inventor of the crossword last week. Can't remember his name. P something T something R."

"No thanks Black Friday crowds. I do all my Christmas shopping online in a blind panic, as God intended."

"I child proofed my entire house... and they still got in"

"{discussing wedding dresses} CW1: I had mine preserved. CW2: I donated mine to a charity. You? Me: I used mine as kindling for a bonfire."

"You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet."