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Joke of the Day

"A roofer is working on a house and makes a mistake and falls through the ceiling and into the house. One of the guys inside says, ""nice of you to drop in."""

"What did the fish say before he hit the wall? Oh, Dam."

"Why are dicks like quantum particles Measuring them changes the result"

"This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense."

"Condoms A man walks into a shop to buy some condoms. The cashier asks 'would you like a bag with that?' To which the man replies 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Census ! Census who ? Census presents for Christmas !"

"The difference between a girlfriend and a girl friend... is a little chasm I call the friend zone."

"I'll always be here for you.... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I'll be over there for you."

"Do you have a little Irish in you? Well... Would you like some?"

"The hurt I feel when someone leaves the bus seat next to mine for a newly empty one is almost exactly equal to my annoyance when they don't."