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Joke of the Day
"I apologize to everyone that I've ever offended. Just kidding. Could you imagine?"
Next Joke
"Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria? Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite."
"Wanna hear a joke? Non-corrupt african government."
"When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you."
"To level the playing field, online dating sites should require using the picture in your driver's license."
"[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus"
"Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!"
"If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing."
"Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*"
"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"