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Joke of the Day

"I think Taylor Swift might actually just be an instagram filter"

"""You're still a winner,"" Pinocchio whispered into his third drink. He wept as his nose grew to touch the glass."

"What does a man keep in his pants that often pokes the hole it's poked before? His keys, you filthy-minded bastard."

"I can't look my former prostitute partner in the face since someone e-mailed me pics of her in the old days. Never look giffed whores in the mouth."

"What do you call a Muslim on a plane? Soon to be detained for flying home to his family in Houston after a business trip."

"What's orange and can't climb a tree? Donald Trump."

"What is Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg's favorite facebook game? Candy Kush."

"First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!"

"Damn boy, are you a wool sweater because you're irritating the shit out of me."

"Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know."