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Joke of the Day

"I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know."

"[invention of kissing] WEIRD PERSON: Hey let me lick the inside of your mouth EVEN WEIRDER PERSON: Ok"

"Why do women always sleep on the left side of the bed? BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!"

"What does a dog do, that a man steps into. Pants."

"What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care"

"Where do beers go to pick up girls? Ho Gardens"

"Do you like your new baby sister? She's all right. Do you play with her? No and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He won't come when you call."

"""Is there a genius in the house?! It's an emergency!"" *I start to get up from table* *wife discretely stops me* *I silently agree with wife*"

"Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?"