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Joke of the Day

"[invention of kissing] WEIRD PERSON: Hey let me lick the inside of your mouth EVEN WEIRDER PERSON: Ok"

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear."

"I was dating a midget but it didn't work out. My parents and friends looked down on her. Bonus: It was a short relationship."

"My friend gave me an EpiPen as he was dying. He must have *really* wanted me to have it."

"If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you'll be dead soon."

"If you're having second thoughts... You're two ahead of most people."

"Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing"

"I once made a horse laugh and cry. (NSFW) I told the horse I had a bigger cock. He bursted out laughing. I showed him, he cried."

"If a dog ran away every three nights and had an orange tail, what would that make it? I think it would still be a dog..."

"The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch."