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Joke of the Day

"When girls ask if I'm good in bed, I tell them ""Of course, how hard is it to close your eyes and literally do nothing for 8 hours""."

"I want to make a film about a group of friends dealing with their classmate becoming a pop star. Britney's Peers"

"[me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?"

"Is it racist that I've been talking to this one white chick on my street for months now & just realized she's actually 5 white chicks?..."

"Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees."

"How do you spot the violent kids at the circus? They go straight for the juggler."

"I'm a optimist ...at least I think so"

"I'd love to be a mayfly. But only for a day."

"1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns."

"Did you hear about the 7' NBA star who married a blonde midget? He was nuts over her."