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Joke of the Day

"*crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks* What do you want? Him-Whatever you want. Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*"

"I had a dream that a priest took a dump on my front lawn holy shit"

"A Horse Walks Into A Bar And the bartender says ""Why the long face?"" The horse replies, ""My alcoholism is destroying my family"""

"I hate being friends with the repo-guy He only comes around when he wants something."

"What sexual position creates the ugliest kids? I dunno, ask your mom."

"I was thinking that 6 years for your masters was a long time... But black people used to work 60 years for theirs."

"What do black Eskimos live in? A nigloo."

"Life is like a penis. Simple, relaxed and hanging around freely. It's women who make it hard."

"I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around"

"Just got back from my wild New Years Eve outing and shoveled my parents sidewalks. 'Cause that's the way middle-aged white guys roll. Yo."