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Joke of the Day

"So I tried to watch a porno featuring Donald Trump... but I couldn't get off, because he changed positions too often."

"I'm trying to teach my cat Java programming... But he keeps complaining about a `NullLaserPointerException`."

"$10 Complaint A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had a gun."

"What do you get when you put a tiny umbrella in a supercar? A Lambortini."

"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the shit out of the dogs"

"[interviewer looks up from resume] in the skills, you wrote ""completing sentences? Yes."" wow. you ""'re hired?"" amaz- ""on prime?"" get out."

"What's the definition of irony? An incongruity between expectation and result."

"""...and it looks like you spent $80,000 on alcohol this year?"" - my tax guy"

"A kid gets home very distressed..... And says ""mom everyone at school says that im always distracted"" ""FOR THE LAST TIME KID, YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR!!!!"""