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Joke of the Day

"I've started to take the SJW movement seriously and have applied it to my parenting style It's why I'm ignoring all my 10-month olds privileged white male tears."

"What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ? Discordant !"

"I was going to post a really cheesy pun but there was just no whey."

"How does Donald Trump plan to silence the terrorists? Muzzle 'em"

"Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience."

"DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU"

"Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because it was dead."

"You know how they say ""if you snooze you lose""... I snooze every morning and have never lost any sleep over it."

"My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!"

"What's the worst thing about banging a girl with a cold heart? The rest of her is cold too."