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Joke of the Day

"Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris had a contest to see who had more balls... Chuck Norris won by three."

"What comes in hard, comes out soft, and what do you blow hard? chewing gum, you sicko..."

"Q: Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank? A: Because she had an interest in the principal."

"I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power."

"Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer One turns to the other and asks, ""*does this taste funny to you?*"" The other responds, ""*no.*"""

"Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I'm going home now."

"I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!"

"Fun Prank 1.) Go to Yoga class 2.) Compliment some people on their mats 3.) Unroll 20x25 oriental rug."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega sore ass."

"Boss: I'm following you on Twitter. Me: Sweet! 'Nother follower! [Days later] Me: Oh wait. Shit."