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Joke of the Day

"Fun Prank 1.) Go to Yoga class 2.) Compliment some people on their mats 3.) Unroll 20x25 oriental rug."

"[NSFW]Honey, I bought flavored condoms... - ... switch off the lights and guess the flavor! - Sardines with cheese! - Wait for me to put it on!"

"What is that thing called when your crush likes you back? Imagination."

"Why did Nintendo cross the road? idk, Nintendo always does random shit and never explains it"

"What do chickens say? Cock-a-doodle-doo What does a chicken in the bathroom say? Doodle-doodle-cock What does a gay chicken say? Any-cock'll-do"

"Did you hear about the Navy hangar that doubles as a church? It's a house of warship"

"Working out For me going to the gym is a lot like having sex. I'm get nervous before, it doesn't last as long as I want it to, I'm ashamed the whole time, and I usually cry afterwards."

"I was dating an English teacher, but she dumped me.... She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon."

"Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, ""Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?"""

"A man spent millions on an impressionist painting then ate it... He put his Monet where his mouth is."