3027

Joke of the Day

"My boss has a rather shrill phone voice. I once spent 20m talking to him, before realizing it was actually someone trying to send us a fax."

"Her: I really want nachos!! Me: *changes name to nachos*"

"Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: ""Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"""

"Are you a pinky toe? Cause I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house"

"So in 60,000 years the only thing the Aborigines have invented was a returning stick. Oh i meant to post this on /r/facts"

"Mulder: it's some sort of over-fed grim reaper judgment figure. Scully: we're at the mall, Mulder. That's just Santa."

"Why can't an IT guy be a doctor? Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"[Ouija board] O spirits, let me talk to m- C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I *squints* What the heck? A 3G board?"

"I installed a pedometer app on my phone But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids."

"A drug dealer sold me shoes today I don't know what he laced them with because I've been tripping all day."