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Joke of the Day

"[Ouija board] O spirits, let me talk to m- C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I *squints* What the heck? A 3G board?"

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"Four gay guys walk into a bar... To see only one stool was open. ""Ah not a problem!"" The bartender said as he flipped the stool upside down."

"What would it be like to have world with out women?? It would be a real pain in the ass"

"Did you hear about the snail who bought himself a Ferrari and painted a big yellow ""S"" on the side? Now wherever he drives, people watch and say ""Look at that S-car go!"""

"My wife caught me measuring my dick. Embarrassing! It reached just to the back of her sister's throat."

"If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I'd totally be expecting some change back."

"My grandfather told me this joke. A man jumps off a skyscraper. Halfway down, he says: ""so far so good"""

"Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day And all this time I've just been eating them raw..."

"How do u make a Pirate angry? Take the P out of him."