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Joke of the Day

"[dumps gatorade on coach after losing the big game] we know how much you hate gatorade you piece of shit"

"Guys: What should you do if you drop your wallet in San Francisco? Kick that shit to Oakland!!"

"If George Washington Carver became a teacher, what would his nickname be? The Nutty Professor"

"I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking"

"What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in 8 days because she hates it when I interrupt her"

"People on this plane got so uptight when I used the bathroom to change into my PJs. Llike they've never seen a man in a nightgown before."

"Snow Ain't the problem Isis"

"A good way to let the audience know a character doesn't ""play by the rules"" is to name her Kat."

"My girlfriend broke the news that she's pregnant I responded, ""Congrats, now you have something to remember me by."""