30204

Joke of the Day

"A distant relative of mine died and I came into some money... but my friends told me that I have a weird fetish."

"What can a lawyer do that a duck can't? Stick his bill up his arse."

"There's a party in my pants and everyone's invited but nobody ever shows up. I wish my pants would stop throwing parties. It's humiliating."

"ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary"

"We built this community from the ground up as opposed to choosing a point in the air and building downwards from there."

"What's the difference between Greece and a good software application? Greece doesn't have default settings!"

"What do you call a mexican midget? A speck."

"GOVERNMENT VS. MAFIA Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia? A: One of them is organized."

"My future's so bright that I have to wear lampshades like an injured dog."

"Made a shepherd's pie last night... He didn't like it."