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Joke of the Day

"My future's so bright that I have to wear lampshades like an injured dog."

"Sometimes I think I am a bad mother because I don't like wine."

"A large marine mammal was recently in Cardiff. It had a Wales of a time."

"if i ever spontaneously combust, i hope it's around somebody i don't like and that they're wearing their favorite outfit."

"Did you hear the one about the Virgin marrying the Supermodel? Yeah, me neither.."

"Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years."

"What do you call a heavy toilet? El ton john."

"The last beer didn't tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would."

"When my kids look back on the photos of my life they'll think, ""Wow, he wore that shirt a lot."""

"Jesus draws a bath after an exhausting day, gets in ""Damn it, c'mon, not again!"" he says as he sits on top of the water, unable to submerge"