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Joke of the Day

"Why did the skeptic man have high blood pressure? Because he kept taking advice with a pinch of salt!"

"I like my women like I like my cars ...All black and twenty eight hundred pounds!"

"911: what's your emergency? me: what's YOUR emergency? 911: *starts crying* omg no one's ever asked me that before! me: jk I've been stabbed"

"Don't blame me for your issues. Your seat on the crazy train was reserved long before you met me."

"I took my wife to see the doctor today hoping to sort out her tourettes problem. It turns out she doesn't have it... I am a bastard and she really does want me to f**k off..."

"GPS: leftleft againtake another leftur gonna want to take this leftstay left NASCAR DRIVER: why is there a gps in here"

"On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon."

"*feeds a horse 1 pound of weed *rides off into sunset on my high horse"

"Why did a kid throw the butter out of the window? To see the butterfly! I ll jump out of the window now!"

"A masochist and a sadist are doing their thing... The masochist says: ""Hit me"" and the sadist answers: ""no..."""