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Joke of the Day

"When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking ""they're just keeping me to themselves"""

"How do you get to the front page of reddit ? Lack of originality"

"Sometimes I do things to children that they're too young to understand... ...such as teaching them calculus and microbiology."

"how to tell.... do you know how to tell if your room mate is gay? his dick taste like shit"

"Guy: What do you do? Me: I tell jokes on Twitter G:No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself? Me: I tell myself that they're good jokes"

"A door walks into a bar The bartender asks, ""Why the long face?"" The door responds, ""I'm off my hinges."""

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."

"Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? He had lost his contacts!"

"Your first mistake was wearing heels in this dodgeball tournament, Jason. The second was thinking that they went with that dress."

"My ex-girlfriend got a parakeet, and that damn thing never shut up... but the bird was cool."