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Joke of the Day

"""Charlie, I want a divorce."" [in a black robe sacrificing a chicken on a satanic blood alter] Why?"

"What are the cops gonna do? Unrape you?"

"Donald Trump announced that he would be turning down the regular Presidential Salary in lieu of a yearly salary of $232 He said ""If 232 is good enough for Hillary, it's good enough for me"""

"Trump: ""If you mess with the United States...."" .....there will be hell Toupeeeeee"

"what idiot called it ""alphabet soup"" instead of ""times new ramen""?"

"What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool? Deep ends really."

"Best pick up line. Hey is your name Sandy Hook? Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of kids inside you."

"My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold."

"ME: Guess who was just promoted to be the new CEO! COWORKER: Amanda. ME: Why would you assume it's a man?"

"there are two kinds of people in this world... 1) People who can finish lists."