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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool? Deep ends really."

"It was always going to be a yes vote on gay marriage in Ireland. . . No reason to drink otherwise."

"You have an uncle named Jack. Would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?"

"I wanted to get a Papa John's slice this weekend, but my girlfriend wouldn't want to go there So I referred to it at PJ's and she was all about it until we arrived. Got my slice though."

"How is a pirate like a trumpet player? They both murder on the high C's."

"How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring? They conducted an in-turtle investigation."

"Where can you find alcoholic sheep? At the BAAAAH"

"""Endless shrimp"" sounds nice until you realize they are serious. It's a threat. The shrimp will never stop."

"It's never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she's on a whole other level."

"""Today's special is a grilled Chilean sea bass with white wine reduction. We recommend Instagramming it with the 1977 or Apollo filters..."""