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Joke of the Day

"Best pick up line. Hey is your name Sandy Hook? Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of kids inside you."

"If he doesn't return your texts, it's because he's busy leaving his wife for you. Obviously."

"One man's cougar is another man's grandmother."

"My biologist girlfriend was making competent cells at the lab today... I asked if they were very sure of them cells."

"If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane."

"If your girlfriend starts smoking... Slow down and use a lubricant."

"What do you call it when a frog jumps off a bridge? Kermitting suicide."

"The South is a magical place. It has the most wizards."

"I was thinking of opening up a restaurant that only serves burnt pizza its called Pompie"

"I love going to the park and watch the kids run and scream But they don't know I'm just using blanks"