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Joke of the Day

"[Phone with Mom] ""Did you just friend request me?"" I'm on fb now ""I'm not adding you"" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*"

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"-Here_is=ajoke/for=people/good_at-reading_between|the\lines_"
"What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch. Kermit in a blender."
"3 Elephants jump out of a plane, the first two hit land and the last one hits water. What sound did they make? Bum-bum tssh!"
"WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe"
"What is a Jewish dilemma ? Free ham."
"2014: lost 10 lbs, saved $135, ate $135 worth of candy, gained 10 lbs"
"What's the best part about having a hooker die on you? The second hour is free."
"Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property."
"What do you call a black abortion clinic? Crime stoppers"