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Joke of the Day

"2014: lost 10 lbs, saved $135, ate $135 worth of candy, gained 10 lbs"

"A British engineer just opened a buisness in Afganistan. He is selling landmines that look like prayer mats. When asked how buisness was going he said that prophets are going through the roof."

"What did one tree say to the other? Nothing. They bark."

"Each day of my life is like a chapter in a book.....deserving of a happy ending...."

"Free will is good, but free pizza is better."

"How would you describe sex with a midget covered in sugar? Short and sweet"

"Oh, man. My grandma caught me texting my OTHER grandma and now things are super tense."

"my anaconda don't want none unless you got snake food this time. last time u tried to feed him buns but the carbs are bad for him"

"Ladies, if you love a man, set him free. If he comes back he will be yours forever. If he doesn't, the new chick probably squirts or does anal."

"Don't reply to nuclear reactors that say they're ugly. They're just fission for compliments."