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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe"

"With the PSN down I've had a chance to speak to my children... They seem nice"

"I used to know a guy who had five legs. His pants fitted him like a glove."

"What is Vladimir Putin's favourite Justin Timberlake song? Crimea river"

"ok so when a guy marries four women does he wear four rings or just ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL?"

"Buddy, If you get in a fight with me there'll only be 2 ""hits""; You hitting me and my screams of pain hitting 100 decibels."

"I was in an elevator with the Easter bunny yesterday It was a hare raising experience."

"I get sad around the holidays because they always remind me of how much weight I'll be gaining."

"What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud"

"I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?"