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Joke of the Day

"I heard the chief of police on the news saying ""we will never forget 9 11"" I should bloody hope so its your phone number"

"Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute"

"Why was yellow angry at red? Red blue green."

"What is the most popular Canadian poultry restaurant? Chic-fil, eh?"

"How Am I Doing? I'll Tell You How I'm Doing Volumes: 1-8"

"If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily."

"Boy: grandma, have you seen my pills? They were labelled LSD. Grandma: f*ck the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"

"What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But, if roses were called ""herpes"" they'd make terrible Valentine's Day gifts."

"""I ~don't own~ a TV."" *Binge-views 8 hours of Netflix in bed.*"

"Water-loo is such a shitty place. Just thinking about it would make me pissed, if I gave a crap."