160105
Joke of the Day
"""I ~don't own~ a TV."" *Binge-views 8 hours of Netflix in bed.*"
Next Joke
"A democrat, a libertarian and an idiot walk into a bar.. ""I'll have a beer please"", says the republican."
"Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee's you're buying it off of sure can."
"They say curiosity killed the cat, but what I want to know is how the cat got to Mars in the first place"
"Gay Bartender What did the gay bartender say to his new customer? ""Want me to help push in your stool?"""
"When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you."
"I tried to cook something from scratch..and ended up summoning a demon."
"The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you."
"[kidnapper hands wife phone] ""brent"" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED"
"Stop, collaborate and listen. Manda's back with news from the kitchen. Calories grab a hold of me tightly I want nachos daily and nightly..."