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Joke of the Day

"Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute"

"Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You're Welcome.."

"What does your momma and a hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after three periods."

"Most offensive one liner joke I know.. So I was eating this bitch out the other day and I tasted horse semen so I looked up and said, ""Ooooooh grandma that's how you died."""

"There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over."

"Accidentally OD'd On Benefiber The other day I accidentally OD'd on Benefiber. Boy, the shit really did hit the fan."

"A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing... 'He's like a fish out of water.' 'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?' 'No, I mean he's dead.' -Mike Close-"

"What doesn't kill you......seriously disappoints me!"

"I know it's a tetherball pole in a public park. But, where else can I practice my sweet, sexy dance moves on a Sunday morning?"

"It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative."