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Joke of the Day

"""Is it long enough to reach most people's beds?"" ""Yes."" ""Perfect, make it a couple inches shorter."" -Apple, creating the iPhone charger."

"A guy picks up a prostitute After they're done she says: I feel so loved. You fuck like a god! As they start smoking a cigarette in bed she asks: By the way, why do you have holes in your hands."

"How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water."

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches and a peeping Tom watches snatches"

"George washington said ""We would have a black president when pigs fly!"" ... well, swine flu."

"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"

"John met god and God said ""John come forth and you will receive eternal light"" sadly John came fifth and won a toaster"

"War Machine is such a hard worker... That he even took his work home with him."

"In the Bible it was Adam and Eve Not Adam and Steve"

"A dung beetle walks into a bar And asks the bartender, ""Is this stool taken?"""