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Joke of the Day

"John met god and God said ""John come forth and you will receive eternal light"" sadly John came fifth and won a toaster"

"I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was... ...she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose."

"I once new a guy that worked at a tool and die company... ...He was hit with a tool, and died"

"How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company? Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company? A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house."

"A prisoner was told how he'll be executed Needless to say, he was shocked."

"So a Priest says to a Rabbi.... ""Hey, we should go fuck those kids..."" and the Rabbi says: ""Outta what?"""

"I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport, boy she has a lot of baggage."

"Watching Whitney Houston's funeral Was like watching every Tyler Perry movie at once"

"Unless: -The house is on fire -The cops are about to kick down the door -Or you're ordering food Do NOT talk to me while I'm on the toilet"

"The people in horror movies would live a lot longer if they listened to me in the audience."