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Joke of the Day

"A guy picks up a prostitute After they're done she says: I feel so loved. You fuck like a god! As they start smoking a cigarette in bed she asks: By the way, why do you have holes in your hands."

"If I was a Doctor, my prescription pad would just read: ""Smoke 2 joints, eat ALL the chicken"""

"Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork."

"I broke up with a Japanese girl last week... It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message."

"Two Arabs are on a plane. One orders a bottle of Champagne and asks the other ""do you want some?"". The other replies ""No thanks, I'll have to drive soon""."

"A woman came in for a job interview wearing an abacus on her head. I hired her right on the spot. It's so hard to find employees who you can count on."

"What do you call someone who raises the dead by giving them hickeys? A Neckromancer"

"If they want to increase the use of public transit, they should start using a scale at the DMV license renewal counter."

"Capture a raccoon & an octopus. Sit them on the couch. Give them snacks. Sit between them. Turn on the TV. Now you're ready to have kids."

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? dust funnies"