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Joke of the Day

"""Sorry I didn't reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off... Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!"""

"When your phone is wet, put it in a bag of rice ...the rice will attract Asians, and they will proceed to fix your phone."

"I invented a Glass Coffin, but I don't know if it will catch on. Remains to be seen."

"Why couldn't Ray Charles see his friends? Because he was married"

"It's a fucking frisbee. Stop trying to make a sport out of it."

"A hot babe said we could have sex if monkeys fly out of her ass, so tonight I meet with a zoologist, proctologist and some guy from NASA."

"What do you call a bolshevik in a hurry? A rushin' russian."

"What do you call the queue to Alcatraz? Alkaline"

"If ever I commit murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread. Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts."

"A math joke I'll tell you in a 1/cos"