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Joke of the Day

"I ordered a pizza. I don't think the guy understood how to get here. Is it free if it's 5 years late?"

"I do 5 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button."

"Her: I like your hair. Did you get it cut? Me: I washed it Her: but it looks really different Me: yeah I used water this time"

"TIL Ron Jeremy is a porn star I always thought he was just an actor but as soon as he came on the screen it was clear"

"Opinions are like orgasms. I don't care if a woman has one."

"Jared Fogle got 15 years 8 months. But officer, she told me she was 18!"

"A masochist walked into a bar But he was okay with it"

"Just started coaching some retarded children in football The passing isn't very good yet, but the dribbling is fantastic."

"What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars http://imgur.com/QdWVk4r"

"Why was Roy Rogers upset when he fell off his horse? He wanted a Trigger warning."