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Joke of the Day

"I ordered a pizza. I don't think the guy understood how to get here. Is it free if it's 5 years late?"

"Can we talk about your pleated, cuffed corduroys, or are we just going to let it happen?"

"[speed dating] *girl sits down* ""hi im melan- QUICK A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE ""wha- CORRECT ANSWER WAS KATANA. NEXT"

"what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music mount rushmore"

"I did bad and I should feel bad What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people? Horizontal blinds."

"Fun Fact: If you hear small kids running around laughing hysterically, within 2 min. at least one will be on the floor crying hysterically."

"Pease don't make fun of dyslexic dwarfs! It's not big and it's not clever!"

"Q: Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? A: Because he was General Electric."

"My New Years Resolution 4K"

"What's got six legs and can fly long distances ? Three swallows !"