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Joke of the Day

"Imagine you're about to have surgery and right before the anesthesia kicks in you notice a ""University of Phoenix"" degree on the wall"

"Why do women love chocolate? Because it's the only time 'rich' and 'dark' are used to describe the same thing."

"What is the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your arse."

"Why do people never eat clocks? Because it's really time consuming."

"A very British joke: I went to a class to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea It was a steep learning curve"

"When preparing blood sausage, never cook it in the same pan as crip sausage."

"wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?"

"Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: ""Do you serve lawyers here?"" ""Sure."" ""Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."""

"Americans are getting stronger Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it."

"Sorry, ""hella"" was an inappropriate word choice. I was trying to be cool. I'll rephrase: Your son is totally missing."