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Joke of the Day

"ME: I made you some coffee! It's even double filtered... fancy right? WIFE: ME: WIFE: couldn't separate the coffee filters could you? ME: no"

"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."

"My parents were like siblings. And according to the police that was, like, a problem."

"So, nothing rhymes with orange, huh? *changes name to MC Orange, wins every rap battle, and retires undefeated*"

"Guys, no one on Twitter cares about what you're doing. They just want to know about how much you hate what you're doing."

"9/11 Who? Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 Who? I thought you said you would never forget!"

"They are finally letting women go to the ISS About damn time. Some one has to make the men sandwiches up there."

"Haven't listened to Staind since middle school... ...it's been awhile"

"Alpha Kenny Body Say it fast, slut."

"In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am..."