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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] ""Tell me one of your long term goals"" Sleeping ""No, I meant-"" *leans in way too close* My answer isn't going to change"

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"Do you believe in life after love? Ted Bundy apparently didn't."
"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing... they're both stuck up bitches."
"A married couple walks into a bar."
"(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln I just foiled your plan."
"I am one of the best fortune tellers in the world. My predictions are accurate 99.9999% of the time. I can predict your future fortune right now. You won't be winning the lottery anytime soon."
"Me: Did you just put your fingers in my drink? 5yo: I don't have poison on my fingers! Me: But why did you....wait, what?"
"[offensive] jews KNOCK KNOCK Who's there Nazi Nazi who? Who killed the jews? Natz me."
"Reddit? More like...Eddit"
"Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide..."