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Joke of the Day

"fur coat daughter tells mom who wears a fur coat daughter: did you know that your fur coat is a result of suffering of an animal? mom: you shouldn't talk about your dad that way"

"My penis and I are really good friends but... We've never really seen eye to eye"

"You just know I knew my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load early last night....I could see it in her eyes"

"It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I'm trying to do that & you're lowering my chances."

"A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today... ...while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts."

"If you love Batman, let him go, because Batman Returns."

"when is it OK to spit a mexican woman in the face? when her stache is on fire!"

"Smartphones are a lot like instant coffee... They're both good 'till the last drop."

"What was the Scientologist's favorite movie? The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Why, you ask? ... It was a cult classic!"

"Me: I'm a confident driver Friend: You almost just ran someone over Me: Confidently tho"