128643

Joke of the Day

"How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?"

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I never cry when I cut up a hooker."

"Mario Kart: 1) stays in first place for 3 laps 2) gets passed by 5 people at last second 3) slams controller 4) quits job 5) divorces wife"

"My tattoos aren't braille, so do not sneak up to me & begin to feel them. Unless you're hot, then you get the secret taste option."

"Seize the day! *Sees the day, goes back to bed*"

"Dear guy lighting bottle rocket fuses with a cigarette that's still in your mouth, You're going as a pirate for Halloween."

"My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing"

"Why couldn't the skeleton cross the street? Because he didn't have the guts!"

"Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman now more than ever"

"You've got a face even an Instagram filter couldn't fix."