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Joke of the Day

"Like my grandpa Clint Eastwood used to say, it's never too late to adopt a fake name to impress girls."

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce ""unionized"""

"Suicide book A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost."

"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't jelly my cock up your ass"

"Auditions are being held for you to be yourself. Apply within."

"A man is talking to his friend... ""Today I got a brand new ford for my wife."" ""Eyyy, nice trade."""

"When I walk through the produce aisle I feel that the fruit is conspiring against me, and that gets on my nerves.... I don't know, maybe I'm just pear-annoyed."

"CHRISTMAS TIP: When your kid starts asking questions about whether Santa is real, just tell him to shut up."

"Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity? They're ape purists"