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Joke of the Day

"Critics are calling my performance of Wife Pretending To Care About Her Husband's Work Story ""emotionally charged"" and ""daring""."

"Apparently I'm ""an insensitive arsehole"" for referring to my girlfriend's allergic reaction to a box of chocolates (and subsequent fit) as a ""truffle shuffle""..."

"I want to give you guys my best dad joke... ...but I'm afraid you won't give it back."

"Why is it so hard to throw a party in space? Because you have to planet."

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"What does a Boko Haram terrorist become after getting his throat slit? Boko Halal."

"How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything."

"My wife sure is picky for someone who married me."

"Johnny got back from drug rehab... ...and they asked did he managed to quit taking drugs. He said: ""Well, on one hand a I did, but on the other one I didn't."""

"Trumps penis is so big... That on a (qwerty) keyboard it stretches all the way from A to Z"